


summer is long, and it's suffocating when you're alone

by blafard



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Skateboarding, Summer Romance, Time Skips, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:20:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23971477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blafard/pseuds/blafard
Summary: "You're so far away again," Neil said. Thunder was in the air. The sky would soon open and flood the ground with cleansing rain, would soon wash away the dirt of the world, bring a new beginning, fresh air and puddles of water kids would jump into come tomorrow.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 12
Kudos: 103





	summer is long, and it's suffocating when you're alone

**Author's Note:**

> title from "you know me too well" by nothing but thieves. the fic is also loosely based on the song.

It was an uncharacteristically chilly night in summer, when Andrew stepped out of the backdoor of Eden's Twiligh and spotted the fiery red of Neil's hair a little farther down the alley.

Andrew didn't know what the strange boy was doing at the time, and he didn't care enough to approach him, so he quickly finished the cigarette that burned a deep orange in the dark of the night and headed back inside, the bass of the music swallowing any sounds that wanted to slip through the crack of the opened door.

* * *

The bed sheets were cold against his pale skin, a small relief in the stifling heat and heavy air. He knew that the shirt he wore the entire night was already ruined, but a small part of him screamed at him to _stand up, to go, to leave_ and pretend that this right here, with Neil lying beside him, his head lying on Andrew's chest didn't mean half as much as it truly did.

And for once in his sorry excuse of a life he listened and moved, let go of the only good thing he has had in years.

Shrugging on his sticky shirt, he slipped the almost empty box of cigarettes into the back pocket of too tight black jeans and slipped out of a door that creaked a little too loud, announced his disappearance a little too well for it to be inconspicuous.

He tried to ignore the twinge in his chest, when he heard a certain redhead mumble his name with sleep clinging to his voice.

* * *

"You look like someone that would break a boy's heart if you grow bored of him," he whispered into the stillness of the night. His hair still a little wet from the shower they took together a few hours ago, the strands hanging down over his forehead, hiding the bright blue of his eyes that made Andrew feel so much at once and yet not enough, never enough.

Andrew didn't answer. Not because he thought Neil was wrong, but because of the implication that Neil thought that _this_ was more than it was.

For Andrew, Neil was a nice body with an interesting edge to him, his tragic past a mural on his skin Andrew ached to discover until he memorized every single detail, every gruesome act committed to make Neil's body into an exhibit of burn marks and knife cuts.

The past had shown though that Andrew never actually stayed long enough for that. But he guessed that the thought counted for something.

Instead of trying to reassure Neil that he wouldn't do that, that he wouldn't take off at the first chance of _this_ turning into something more than a nice fuck every few days, of _this_ being anything more than a way to pass the time Andrew had to spend on this boring world, he grabbed the back of Neil's neck and pressed his lips against his own in a bruising kiss.

The whimper escaping Neil's mouth was a pathetic little sound Andrew already knew he wouldn't be able to forget.

* * *

"Why are you looking at me like that," he had hissed at Andrew once he gathered the courage and stepped into the pulsing club after weeks of lingering in dark alleys just out of sight.

Andrew hadn't expected how hostile he sounded, a hint of surprise slipping through the cracks of Andrew's usually unchanging mask of indifference. He stifled that too.

"Never seen a boy come back from the dead before," he answered with a pointed look at the strangers scarred hands.

For a brief moment Andrew wanted to ask him to take off the ugly jacket he wore to see if the scars snaked up his arms too. He didn't though.

* * *

It was strange, he mused, how quickly he grew attached to another body lying next to him on the mattress he liked to call his bed.

But Neil wasn't here, and Andrew wasn't certain that he would come back any time soon.

Summer was reaching its end and so was _this_ , something that was never actually meant to be a _this_ in the first place but somewhere along the way turned into _something_ Andrew had never had before.

He was a man that knew loss though, knew how to deal with being all alone again, knew how it felt to be abandoned. He had overcome worse in the past, he would overcome _this_ too.

* * *

Andrew had never before allowed a man to stay the night, had never before allowed himself to bask in the afterglow, to come down _together_ and share a cigarette whose smoke burned down his lungs and turned his lungs a deeper shade of black over time.

But Neil had a knack for getting under Andrew's skin and making Andrew break rules he never before thought about breaking.

So here he was, a few hours after watching Neil unravel beneath him, a few dark hickeys climbing up the side of his neck, a few scratches adorning his back like a trophy nobody would get to see and a very naked, very tired Neil lying with his back to Andrew.

Andrew didn't quite remember how his arm found its place around Neil's slim waist, or how they managed to tangle their legs together in a way that was comfortable and yet loose enough for Andrew to escape if necessary, but they had.  
  
He didn't know how he felt about that.

* * *

When Neil said that Andrew looked like someone that would break a boy's heart as soon as he grew bored of him, he was right.

What Neil didn't say that night, was that Andrew would break his _own_ heart alongside his without a hint of hesitation.

But it was for the better.

Wasn't it?

* * *

Once, a few weeks after the first time they fucked, Neil had asked Andrew if he would ever leave with him, leave the small town they found themself in, leave the people behind they had grown to like, or in Andrew's case tolerate.

At that time Andrew didn't know the answer to that question, too much uncertainty between them, too many unasked questions, too many untold stories they had yet to ask and talk about.

Andrew still didn't know if he'd say yes in case Neil asked again.

* * *

"If I fall and scrape my knees on the ground you'll have to carry me around for the entire day," Neil warned, a hint of a smile on his full lips.

The sun was shining brightly in the background, Neil's hair alight with warm orange. For a brief moment Andrew was glad to have a perfect memory, because he longed to remember Niel like this; smiling with the sun shining behind his hair and his hands in Andrew's own.

"I won't let you fall," Andrew promised, an eye roll used to show Neil how ridiculous he was being. Andrew thought that those words held a greater meaning for himself than they ever would for Neil.

The skateboard beneath Neil's worn sneakers was old. Something Andrew still had from one of his foster homes, from a different time, a seemingly different life.

He pretended that he barely remembered the worn clothes they made him wear, pretended he barely remembered the older brother that didn't understand what a closed door meant, pretended he barely remembered the foster mother gifting him this very board the day they sent him back to the orphanage. A small consolation prize he carried around with him wherever he went from there. A substitute for a loving family.

Neil was terrible at skateboarding. But that was something Andrew had expected. The way Neil clutched his hands wasn't what he expected though, and the blush that fought its way up his neck and ears was more telling than the way he kept pressing quick kisses against pink lips, whenever Neil was particularly clumsy.

In the end Andrew had to carry Neil around the rest of the day. He only complained a _little_.

* * *

Andrew had never before thought about taking a bath with someone. It always seemed a little too intimate, a little too exposing, but he had done a lot of things he never thought he'd do with Neil.

This one wasn't any different.

There were bubbles all around him, a soothing smell of vanilla in the air and the fact that Neil was only about two feet away and very naked under all those bubbles was a huge point that spoke in favour of another bath in the near future.

Andrew thought that this might be something he could get used to.

Until water hit his face and shattered his peaceful thoughts into a million tiny pieces.

The look Neil wore on his face was mischievous, a challenge in itself.

Andrew never backed down from a challenge. This time was no different and if his heart clenched painfully in his chest when Neil's laughter echoed off the walls, he pretended he didn't notice.

* * *

"You're so far away again," Neil said. Thunder was in the air. The sky would soon open and flood the ground with cleansing rain, would soon wash away the dirt of the world, bring a new beginning, fresh air and puddles of water kids would jump into come tomorrow.

Andrew wondered if the rain could cleanse him too, free him of all troubles and crimes committed in the past, wash away the hands of people he never wanted to feel on his skin.

"I'm right here," he said instead of everything going through his mind. As he met Neil's eyes he saw how little he believed him.

Andrew didn't know when he also stopped believing himself.

* * *

Some days were filled with laughter, filled with kisses that were a little too lingering to be meaningless, filled with them standing in the kitchen side by side, the stove turned on and a breakfast spread prepared by them together.

Other days were filled with silence so suffocating Andrew choked on all their unspoken words.

Those _other days_ seemed to outweigh the former days lately.

* * *

"I can't keep waiting for you to show me a little shred of attention whenever you're bored by everything else." The way Neil had said those words a few weeks ago had been so final, so loud in the stillness of Andrew's flat.

Andrew could almost taste the blood that flooded his mouth, after biting into his own tongue when he heard those words.

* * *

"Kiss me," he pleaded, his voice wrecked, a blush crawling up his bare chest. Andrew obliged of course, never able to resist the man on top of him.

Their hands strayed, wandered over exposed skin, over scars with stories behind, they have yet to learn, explored parts of each other's bodies nobody before had gotten to explore.

Andrew was drunk on the feeling of Neil's mouth on his own, lost to the way he rocked his hips to an inaudible tune only Neil knew the notes to.

* * *

"I'm Neil!" He had shouted over the loud music of the club. Bodies were dancing all around them, a mess of moving limbs and sweaty people all lost to the music. The way the lights flashed from red, to blue, to green made Neil look otherworldly, stunning in a way Andrew had never seen before.

"Andrew," he said back, simply, no hint of interest in his voice even though Neil was the most interesting thing he had seen by far.

**Author's Note:**

> I really really hope I was able to catch this certain melancholy the end of summer makes me feel???
> 
> let me please know what u thought! thanks for reading <3


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